With just under a month before we fly to Adelaide, and only three weeks left in London I am starting to experience a whirlwind of emotions.
I like to think that we are taking everything in our stride with regard to the move itself. Both being incredibly anal makes us good project managers and we have excel spreadsheets for most aspects of the process, which keep both of our minds at rest and things moving along smoothly. The shippers have been and gone, our worldly wares are enroute and the flat is almost empty, par the pile of unwanted stuff in the middle of our lounge that we plan to sell at a Car Boot sale next week.
It’s only when people ask us how we are feeling about the move, and suggest that we might be anxious or scared that I really start to consider these feelings. We both know it is a huge thing that we are doing, but equally we know from the bottom of our hearts that it is what we both want to do which I think makes any anxiety quickly disappear. The emotion I feel most is excitement.
Of course another emotion I feel is the sadness of leaving family and friends. It is going to be very hard to live on the other side of the world and not be there for family occasions or to meet up with old friends. I’m regularly having a little weep at the thought of not being nearby and seem much more easily triggered by songs or thoughts at the moment!
Selfishness is something I am certainly experiencing but whilst this is often seen as a negative, I am going to swallow my pride and be selfish! This move is something I want to do and am going to do it. We can’t be close by forever, and for these next few years we won’t be. Ha.
The strangest feeling I have been having is towards London. We moved here two years ago (Dan having lived here previously but me only ever having made short trips here) and it has been a fabulous two years. I have developed a real love hate relationship with London but am now finding myself feeling quite at home here and worrying about what it will be like to not live in London!
These feelings aren’t to do with moving to the other side of the world, but literally to do with simply moving away from London. It’s suddenly dawned on me that over the last two years I have become very accustomed to having everything on my doorstep.
I’ve loved the shopping, the randomness, the truly fantastic people I have met, being able to get from A to B so easily, Chiswick life and its quirky people, discovering hidden gems of places, the diversity, and more. I know that I will continue to experience all of these things when I’ve moved on, but London just provides them on such a huge scale there is no doubt I will miss it.
Saying that, I still absolutely hate the place.
I hate its hugeness. I hate that we always have to leave parties early to catch the last tube home or it will be a long old bus ride or worst still a taxi ride that needs a mortgage.
I hate the rudeness of people who think they are more important than me. I hate Sainsbury’s fruit and vegetable section which at 6 o’clock sharp fills up with these people who consider themselves much more entitled to reach for those bananas.
I hate what London has become. I am sure London has always been a diverse city, and it certainly does thrive on this. But when I feel foreign in my own country’s capital city I can’t help but hate it. I feel London has absolutely no reflection on the country it leads, and limited reflection on being British. I hate what London has made me feel towards diversity - a value that I have always embraced both personally and professionally. I need to leave as I hate feeling this way and in my opinion things are only going to get worse.
But all things considered, I’ve grown to become a Londoner and can now proudly take a whole tube journey without lifting my head from my newspaper expecting to get eye contact and a smile from someone. I pride myself on my knowledge of the North and West London bus networks and can easily get from A to B without looking at a map!
I like to think that in my own little way I’ve made a tiny mark on London. Even if it’s just through being that person who thanked the bus driver, or being the token English person at a meeting, or kicked up such a fuss about having a deposit withheld, ended up at Number 10. I’ll miss it and will remember these as two great years.
Becks
x
